Flickering Lights
by WackyMaRy
Summary: Welcome to Hogwarts everyone, a place filled with attention seekers and popularity contests. A place where your status can define you, “Move it Evans!” and I was right at the bottom...Lily hates the Marauders, and they hate her, or so it seems.
1. Who's Light's are Shining?

**Lily's Description: Welcome to Hogwarts everyone, a place filled with attention seekers and popularity contests. A place where your status can define you, "Move it Evans!" and I was right at the bottom. **

**Third Person Description: _Lily hates the four boys known as the Marauders, and they hate her too, or so it seems. However, they all have very different feelings towards her, contrary to outward appearances._**

_Hello Everyone! This is my new story called Flickering Lights. The idea just sort of popped into my head, so it's not fully formed, so if you have any ideas let me know. I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know if i should continued or if you like it. Review! Thanks!_

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Flickering Lights**

**Chapter One: Who's Lights are Shining?**

Hogwarts. It's the same as any other high school around the world. It's a place where teens are sent to take up time learning useless facts, have to endure social tribulations, and be hidden to the dangers of the world. We are coddled and protected to such an extent that when we are finally released into the world, we aren't equipped to handle it. Sure, we learn all those useless facts, procedures, names, dates, spells, theory; but in the end they all prove to be what they are described as; useless.

In high school, students create wars and feuds between them, may it be over grades, significant others, friends, popularity, etc. However what these individuals do not realize, is that their feuds are insignificant in the world. When they leave their little cocoon when they graduate, they step out into a war; a real war which threatens innocent lives.

"Move it, Evans!" someone yelled as they smashed against me, knocking my books out of my hand. Ah yes, and then there's that; the rude singling out and harassment of less liked students, namely myself. It's pointless, and I've learned to live with it.

I bent down to pick up my books and placed them in my bag, unlike before; I find it pointless to use my bag seeing as I'll just have to take the books back out moments after I put them in; useless. It seems to be a theme in high school; uselessness.

I arrived at my last class of the day; transfiguration, the class I dreaded the most. Why would that be, you may ask? One word for you: Marauders. This is the one class where those four moronic boys become insufferable. Why? Because it's the one class they could kick my arse at, and them being the arrogant pricks they are, get satisfaction out of that.

"Hi there Lily," the voice to my right said as I slid into my usual seat. Alice Prewitt, probably the nicest person at Hogwarts, and one of my only friends; okay I wouldn't exactly call her a friend, but close enough.

"Hey Alice, how's Frank doing?" I asked politely, questioning her about her long term boyfriend Frank Longbottom. This usually sent her into a long rant about him, depending on how they were doing, which lasted for about 10 minutes, but that was fine with me; I preferred to listen then to talk. She was just in the middle about telling me about their date, when we were so _rudely_ interrupted.

"Evans! _Pleasure_ as _always_!" came the unwanted voice of James Potter. James Potter; He was the height of cool and popular at Hogwarts; every girl wanted him; every guy wanted to be him. He had unruly black hair, hazel eyes framed by glasses, and was tall muscular from all the Quidditch he played. I had to admit he was incredibly good looking; anyone with eyes could see that. I however, was usually preying I didn't have to have any sort of interaction with the arrogant bastard, but I was usually unlucky as I was his favorite target.

"Potter," I said coolly. I heard him and his buddies snigger and he casually fell into the seat in front of me. He held his hand to his heart and mock sighed.

"Oh Evans, you wound me. Why must you be so cold, especially to a kind man like myself?" He said with an undertone of sarcasm.

I raised my eyebrow at him and snorted, "Man? Yeah right," I muttered, but that was all I said. With Potter, usually less is more.

Potter was about to say something else, but thank god McGonagall came in. Though McGonagall was one of my favorite teachers, and many other people's, you didn't cross her in class. Usually I hated that, but in this case, I was glad for it.

"Good afternoon class—Mr. Black please get your buttocks off the desk and onto a chair," McGonagall said. Sirius Black, Potter's partner in crime who was as much as an idiot as he was sitting next to Potter on the desk trying to get a look at the girl in front of him, Jamie Brownstein; well more like trying to look down her top is more like it. Not like she was doing much to stop it seeing as her robes and shirt were undone so much it was like easy access.

Charming, isn't it?

Sirius Black has black hair casually falling over his eyes, and steel gray eyes filled with mischief. He was known as somewhat of a bad boy, which is why girls like Jamie usually threw themselves all over him.

Pathetic.

Black replied to McGonagall with some crude immature response as per usual and then finally sat in his seat where he and Potter began scheming and whatnot. I couldn't pay attention to McGonagall (which I should have because as previously mentioned, I suck at transfiguration), seeing as Potter and Black kept glancing at him and sniggering.

Great.

I'll probably end up with a bed filled with toads or my hair permanently dyed green. That's usually what happened when they started scheming like that. Aren't they just wonderful people? Can't you see why I love them so dearly?

Note my sarcasm.

McGonagall assigned us a task and I set out to do it. However I found it very difficult to concentrate with the constant, "Pss, hey Evans!" coming from in front of me. Merlin those two were the most insufferable people I've ever met.

"Hey Evans! You require any assistance? I mean I'm always happy to help a _less talented _student who's _struggling," _Potter mocked. This is what I was telling you about before; the making my life hell, especially during this dreadful class.

"Aw come on, don't be shy, I can see you need help, there's no need to even ask," he taunted. I remained unfazed. I refused to even look in his direction; usually the best thing to do with Potter and Black was to just ignore their existence, and eventually they'd usually go away.

However in this case, they seemed to be pretty persistent, seeing as they just started flicking pieces of parchment in my face.

Aren't they mature?

Seriously, what kind of sixteen year old boys chuck parchment at a girl's face?

Black and Potter, that's who. I personally believe that they are their own species, because there is no way in hell that I believe that I am under the same species category as those two.

Well, I guess I _could _just say guys are a different species; I think I could find plenty of girls at Hogwarts who agree with me wholeheartedly.

I heard a chair in front of me scrape against the ground. Moments later, the face of James Potter appeared right under my nose. That little git was leaning his elbows on the table, his face mere inches from my own. I had to admit that it was incredibly uncomfortable.

And a little nauseating.

"How's it going there Evans?" He asked.

I sighed, realizing if I didn't respond soon, he'd just keep going. I don't think I could handle that.

"Fine, Potter. I'm doing just fine," I snapped at him.

A small smirk began to appear on his face and I had to resist the urge to slap him. That cheeky bastard was just waiting for me to explode. But I wouldn't; not in transfiguration. "Oh really?" He asked skeptically.

"_Yes _Potter."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you _positive _you don't require any assistance?"

I swear I could feel a vein throbbing in my forehead. "_Positive," _I said through gritted teeth.

He smirk grew, and he breathed out heavily; I could feel his breath tickling my face. He was obviously trying to get some sort of rise out of me; he knew I hated him anywhere near him, and he must have known that him breathing down my neck was pissing me off. So just to let him know he wasn't getting to me, I gave him my best smile. That threw him off; he wasn't used to me giving him anything except a glare.

"Well, that's good to hear then Evans," he said, and with one last breath, he brought his chair back to his desk, and I'm positive he and Sirius continued their scheming.

Lovely.

* * *

Hogwarts students are like lights; always looking for their chance to shine. One minute they're dim, waiting for their chance, then moments later, others can make them light up a room. Some shine brighter than others, no matter what they do. Okay, I know, crappy metaphor, but it's entirely true, and I couldn't find another way to phrase it. I'm not a poet, sue me. All the students here care about is getting noticed, even if it's in a completely demeaning demoralizing way.

Why just the other day, Penelope Clairfield, who had previously been a girl that no one at Hogwarts had even heard of, had stood up on the table in the great hall during dinner, and flashed the entire school.

That earned her about ten Hogsmede dates, and about fifty other requests.

However, a few days later, she'd lost them all, because Vanessa Dausset did something just has sickening and everyone forgot about poor Penelope.

I don't really feel too sorry for her.

Because I know how it feels to be her, and I think she's better off being out of the limelight.

I'm ashamed of the fact that I used to be like them. I'm ashamed that I used to compete to be noticed and most liked. I know the feeling of wanting to be noticed, and wanting my 'light' to shine brighter then everyone else's.

But the difference between Penelope and me was that while she wanted her's to shine brighter, mine always did. I outshined people by miles.

My light shined so bright that it was even brighter than some of the Marauders. Which meant that we crossed paths quite often in a more then acquaintances manor. As well, I also had quite a number of friends; however my best were still those boys I now hate more than anyone.

So to sum this up; I used to be best friends with those idiotic Marauders, and when we severed our ties, I lost all my friends.

Make sense?

I'm actually quite disgusted with myself for that period in my life. I used to doll myself up, run around with the marauders, flirt shamelessly with random disgusting guys as well as frequently snogging them as well.

Please don't judge me, I've changed. I've seen the light—the real light—where I realized how idiotic and pathetic I was, and how all those people still are. It's embarrassing really, and I try never to bring it up in conversation.

However, occasionally, people like to just slip it in there, just to see my reaction. For example, last Sunday in Gryffindor tower.

"_Hey Evans!" Seventh year Joshua Quinn yelled over to me, for the entire common room to hear. "Remember that time we snogged?" _

"_Which time?" Sirius Black yelled back. "I recall her snogging you like ten times mate! I swear you two went at it like rabbits!"_

At which they all laughed. I however, remained unfazed and unamused.

Then there was two weeks ago, during the Christmas holidays; Gryffindor was having a Christmas party, to which I briefly attended for a total of five minutes in order to get from my dormitory to the portrait hole. However my presence didn't go unnoticed.

"_Evans! I didn't know you still knew how to have fun!" James Potter yelled, slugging his arm around my shoulder, a cup of alcohol in his hand. _

"_I'm just trying to get out of here Potter," I snapped. "So if you wouldn't mind moving your big head…" I said, trying to shrug him off, but he was persistent, as always. _

"_Hey, remember last Christmas party? You were _so _drunk! You were dancing on tables and singing Christmas songs and snogging every guy in the room," he said smirking. _

I actually didn't remember that Christmas party too well, seeing as Potter mentioned, I was drunk. I never even found out _who _I snogged; probably Potter and Black and about ten others. Eurg I just got the urge to wash my mouth out with soap.

I was young and naïve; well that's the excuse I'm telling myself, and I quite like it here in denial land.

* * *

"Lily, come sit with us!" Alice called me over in the great hall for dinner that night; I had been late to dinner once again. She was sitting with her boyfriend Frank, and two other girls, Jean Cameron and Penelope Clairfield.

Yes. _That _Penelope Clairfield.

I reluctantly made my way over to them, with a small forced smile on my face. I usually preferred to sit on my own, but occasionally Alice would invite me over and I'd feel obligated to sit there.

"Hello," I said sitting down across from Penelope. Ever since she lost all her dates, she's been looking very gloomy.

"So we were just talking about the spring ball," Alice informed me.

I, of course, didn't even know we were _having _a spring ball. Dances were just a horrible excuse for girls to dress up as slutty as possible, guys to hit on multiple girls and feel them all up, and for people to dance inappropriately.

"What ball?" I asked.

"Dumbledore just announced it," Jean told me. "It's in April, and it's like super formal."

Great, I'm super excited already.

If you haven't already noticed, I enjoy sarcasm.

"Isn't April like three months from now?" I asked. "Why would you need to discuss it now?"

Jean and Penelope exchanged shocked glanced before turning towards me. "Well first off, you need to find the Perfect Date—"

"Which could take at _least _a month."

"—then you need to get the perfect dress—"

"Which could _also _take at least a month."

"—and you need to emotionally prepare yourself—"

"Which takes quite a while."

"—so you seriously need to start preparing at _least _three months early."

Okay, does anyone else get confused when they talk like that—all interrupting each other and whatnot? I didn't even realize you could be that synchronized while speaking. I had to admit that in a sick pathetic way, it was quite talented.

Alice smiled and defended her friends, "They just get excited over these things. I don't have to seeing as I already have a boyfriend who's taking me."

Alice and Frank smiled at each other all lovey dovey and kissed briefly. I had to admit, they were super cute. Alice flicked his nose playfully before turning back to me. "So, any idea who you're going to go with?"

I almost laughed. I had to love Alice because she was _so _behind on the times; she didn't realize that I was pretty far down on the social latter these days, and that someone going with me to a dance would be like social suicide. Jean and Penelope knew this though, because heard them each let out a little snicker.

Did I mention I really didn't like those two very much?

Speaking of people I didn't like. "Who would want to go with Evans?"

Just when you think you're safe, they come back to haunt you. Well I should have known, you're never safe from the Marauders.

Alice frowned at them. "That's not very nice Sirius; I think tons of people would want to go with Lily."

I nearly smacked myself in the forehead; that girl sometimes. She meant well, but sometimes she just dug herself—and others—into a deeper hole.

"Right, and I look like a baboons backside," Sirius tried to make a witty comment sarcastically. How unfortunate his wording was, because my defenses came up the moment I first heard his voice, and I was ready to retaliate.

"Oh, who told you? We just were joking around about how you were getting a little hairy these days…" I said trailing off. If there was one thing I knew Black valued, it was his good looks.

He narrowed his eyes. "You think you're _so _cleaver, don't you Evans?"

I smirked at him. "I like to think so, and I'm also told so quite often," I said.

I could practically hear him growling. He was about to retaliate, but someone put their hand on his shoulder, calming him down. "Down Padfoot, she's not worth it," Potter said.

Sirius glared at me a moment longer, before turning back to Potter, "You're right, let's get out of here," he spat, storming away, Potter right on his heels.

I was grateful that they were gone; I always valued my Black and Potter free time. However there was one thing about that last confrontation that left me a little confused. There was something different than usual.

Potter didn't encourage Black. He actually told him not to argue with me. Maybe that was because of what he said, 'I'm not worth it', but that's such a un-Potter move. Potter would usually jump at the opportunity to make fun of me and argue with me, so why would he stop it?

I don't think I've ever been more confused by James Potter in my life.

* * *

I was wrong about Hogwarts in a sense. I used to believe that all things Hogwarts were completely predictable; nothing ever changed. The people, the routines, the thoughts, everything. I used to believe that you could probably predict any day, from where I would have a confrontation with Black and Potter, to what I'd eat for lunch or where I'd sit.

However, I suddenly doubted that was true. I thought back on my time at Hogwarts, and I think I was just making myself think that it was predictable, because it was easier that way.

I was always prepared for everything and anything that came my way because of that predictability, and it helped me stabilize myself into my new role at Hogwarts; the less appreciated student. Therefore when I suddenly realized that I may be wrong about that, I was thrown into a bit of frenzy.

Which was when things really began to change at Hogwarts.

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_Okay, so there's the first chapter, please let me know what you think, and if you have any ideas, concerns, comments, etc. As well, should i continue? Thanks a ton!  
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**_NOTE: I also just wanted to let everyone know, that for all my stories, i have begun posting previews for new chapters on my profile, and a little before they are finished sections will be posted, so watch out for that. _**


	2. Unexpected Changes

**Welcome to Hogwarts everyone, a place filled with attention seekers and popularity contests. A place where your status can define you, "Move it Evans!" and I was right at the bottom. **

_Hello everyone, so here's chapter two finally. I really hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think! THANKS!_

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**Flickering Lights**

**Chapter Two: Unexpected Changes **

When things begin to change, people cling desperately to what they know. They hold on tightly to what they feel comfortable with; the good or the bad. However there are those rare few who enjoy the change, basking in the unfamiliarity and exhilaration of something they've never experienced before. I envy them. For those people, they believe that the key to achieving this change is to let go of their fear. But people require fear in order to live their lives, for what would people do without fear? How would you be able to make any sort of progress in your life if you didn't have fear?

Some choose _this _fear—the fear of change—to let go of, and that in itself, _is_ a huge change. Confusing, isn't it? It is difficult for many, because you are taking a step into the unknown, becoming unable to predict what comes next. You will become unable to anticipate others' actions, or even your own actions, or your feelings.

It is said that Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted. I had accepted my life and relationships long ago, and felt no need to change them.

Which is why the following days, when Black or Potter would make any sort of comment, I would fight back viciously, trying to erase all memory and strange feelings of when Potter actually helped me. I could not succumb to his obvious madness and let my guard down for a second, because that's exactly what they probably wanted me to do.

I didn't understand Potter's actions that day, for I always knew him to want to fight me, and never back down. I thought we had a routine down; a predictability that I felt comfortable with. He'd make a comment; I'd argue back, that's how it always went. But that day, he changed things. He no longer followed routine and fought, but didn't even _start_, and didn't even let Black continue either.

Things returned to normal after that; they'd bait me, and I'd happily argue back, more fiercely then before. This satisfied me; I was comfortable with it.

Until the events of what I'd like to call 'Dark Wednesday'(I'd call it Black Wednesday except for the fact I wouldn't like you to get it confused with Sirius Black and this story is not about him at all).

I was walking down the corridor heading towards the charms room, when all of a sudden Potter stepped out from behind a suit of armor and blocked my path.

"Move Potter," I barked at him. He just crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. He remained unmoving, and still did not say a thing. "What, are you deaf? I said _move,_" I told him trying to shove past him, but he quickly maneuvered in order to block my path.

"Oh I heard you alright Evans," Potter said, his smirk growing. "I'm just not _listening _to you_,_" he said.

"And _why _is that Potter?"I asked sharply, but didn't feel the need to let him answer. As I mentioned, I'd been fighting extra hard, and my guard was held way up. "I'll tell you why; because you're an idiotic jackass with absolutely _zero_ consideration for others whatsoever. I'm surprised that you can ever stay standing upright with _your _large head. It's almost as if—"

My rant was cut short when he grabbed my wrist and suddenly jerked me towards him. I had gone from standing about a meter away to being plastered almost right next to him in under a second, and I didn't like it. I hadn't been this close to him since…well a long time. I could feel his breath on my face, my hair lightly tickling my face. I would have slapped him, but he had a tight grip of both my arms now. "I'm not _listening…_because I don't _have_ too… _Lily_," he said with a contently liberated look on his face. He let go, disappearing from sight.

I stood there, in shock, for what seemed like forever. My mind was still trying to comprehend what had just happened even when I knew class had started; but I was still in that very spot, not moving a muscle. He hadn't argued, oh no he'd done something completely different from that.

He did something different; completely unfamiliar, and I didn't like it. I could handle our banter, and arguing, but _that_, I could not handle. It fit under the category of—dare I say it—teasing, and James Potter and I do _not _tease each other, it's not in our nature, well not for quite some time is wasn't.

But I think the most shocking part of the entire thing was that he didn't call me Evans, or Lilyflower, or any other stupid nickname, but he called me _Lily. _The name sounded unfamiliar coming from his lips; well more like a vague memory, coming back to haunt me. He hadn't called me Lily in over a year.

This is why I didn't like change; I wasn't equipped to handle it.

I finally managed to drag myself to charms, still in a daze. I slipped in unnoticed and sought my seat near the front. Flitwick just gave me a smile, acknowledging my attendance. As I walked to my seat though, I felt a pair of eyes on me, and I didn't even need to look to know whose they were. I could just picture that smirk on his face; that look of satisfaction at leaving me bewildered like that. I vowed right there and then that I would never let him do that to me again; to never give him that satisfaction.

Class had begun, so I did my best to throw myself into my work, moving all thoughts away from Potter.

But I found that difficult when he was yelling so loud that the entire room could hear him.

"…you should have _seen_ it!" Potter said loudly, obviously recalling some sort of story. "We were _so close—" _He said, and it seemed like he was trying intentionally to say it so she could hear it. My eyes widened when I realized what he would be talking about; just now, in the corridor. But there was no _way _he would tell anyone about that; I was the Leper, Lily; a social pariah. He would never try to associate himself with me. I couldn't let him continue; I didn't want to be associated with him either. I whipped my head around, and he locked eyes with me, smirking. "—to winning the cup last year! This year, we're definitely going to beat them, because I know we _can_."

I felt myself let out a little breath I didn't even know I was holding, but glared, and his smirk grew. I knew what he was doing; trying to make me all paranoid like that.

Because later on in class, I heard him again, "…you should have given her flowers Moony, maybe some nice _Lilies…_"

And then later, this, "…who actually _listens _to her?" To this, I swung around to glare once more, and holy mother of Merlin I wanted to smack that smug look straight off his face. "I can't believe you stayed in the hospital wing for _four _extra days Padfoot, Pomfrey's just an old hag who needs the extra company."

"I quite enjoy her company actually. Poppy's not lookin' to bad these day's anyways," Black answered and I had to resist the urge to vomit.

I hate them; they're disgusting.

* * *

Do I miss the popularity? The attention? Actually having friends? Honestly, in a way, yes, I do. But in a way, it's liberated me, and made me realize who I really want to be. Once I removed myself from that group, I realized just what types of people they were, and who I used to be.

Jackasses. The whole lot of 'em.

I was cruel, I admit that. I was also heartless, ignorant, and stupid. I was selfish and big-headed, and the list goes on. I used to be like the marauders, because I was one of them. But since we severed out ties, we've all changed in different ways; I like to think for me it was for the better. But for them it was definitely for the worst.

Aside from the guys, I also had a few good girlfriends, Sarah Fallon and Emma Sky being my best. The three of us were inseparable. We were practically triplets; we were the most popular desired girls at Hogwarts. We now hate each other.

We used to have so much in common, but in the end, that's what destroyed out friendship. We liked doing the same things, found the same things funny, and also had the same taste in guys, which ended up to be very problematic.

Now before I can continue my explanations, I have to admit one small detail to you first. This is very difficult to admit, seeing as it took me so long to come to terms with in the first place, and now I'm completely ashamed of myself for ever feeling this way.

I may have potentially used to have the teensiest little crush on Potter. _Maybe_.

Oh who am I kidding, I was practically in love with the boy but was so thickheaded I could never bring myself to admit it. I mean, there was no way in hell I was going to become another notch on the bedpost to him; as his close friend I'd seen him go through girl after girl, breaking all of their hearts.

But the biggest problem for me was that I wasn't the only one who liked him.

Emma did to.

And that small fact essentially brought the end to our friendship, my friendship with the Marauders, and my social life.

* * *

"_LILY! LILY! LILY!" came the chanting voices of the Gryffindors around me. I was dizzy. I felt like vomiting. I'm on top of a table? How did I get up here?_

_Last thing I clearly remember was I saw Emma and James enter the room together, and then I picked up the nearest liquor and started drinking it. Now my head was pounding, and I was somehow on top of a table. _

"_Lily!" came a voice cutting clear through the buzz of the party. James. I felt the urge to vomit on him, mixed with relief. He could get me off this table. He always was there to save me. _

_I looked around dizzily and finally spotted him, heading towards me, his hand firmly grasping Emma's behind him. I sight made me stumble, I began to fall._

_He caught me before I could hit the ground. "Come on Lily, let's get you upstairs, I think that's enough fun for one night," James told me, helping me to my feet and putting his arm under me for support. I felt my knees buckling out from under me. Standing up was not going so well. _

"_Do you need any help James?" Emma asked. _No, go away bitch_, I thought bitterly. We had agreed; neither of us would get James. But here she was, throwing herself all over him, and actually _dating _him. _

"_Nah, it's alright, I got her," James said. He gave her a peck on the cheek and began to help me to the girls' staircase. I vomited a moment later. They should not do those sorts of thing in front of me, especially when I'm drunk. _

_Somehow, James managed to get me up the staircase (who knows how seeing as guys can't actually get _up _the girls' staircase). We arrived in my room and he helped me lay down. _

_He ever so gently stroked my now sweaty forehead and brushed away stray hairs. "Oh Lils, why would you do this?" He muttered quietly most likely to himself. His touch made me shiver. _

_Obviously thinking that meant I was cold, he leaned over me to try and get the blankets out from under me. I caught a whiff of his sent, which made me do something stupid. _

_I pulled him by the shirt on top of me, and planted my lips on his. _

_He was obviously surprised, but what surprised _me _was that he maneuvered himself onto the bed into a better position and deepened the kiss. I felt my heartbeat quicken and felt my hands weave into his hair. The kiss was frantic, and passionate, and hot. I rolled us around and straddled him. It was at this moment he finally pushed me away gently. _

"_What was that? Lily…what about Emma…" He seemed like he didn't know what to say. _

_I kissed him once more, not answering his question, and smoothed on top of him, plastering our bodies together. The sheets were tangling around us. He pushed away again with a groan. "I want to… but we can't—"_

"_I love you," I cut him off saying. "Now kiss me," I said leaning down. He was about to when someone cleared their throat from the door._

_It was Emma. _

_

* * *

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Don't judge me. I know I was horrible. I'm so ashamed of myself. That was one of the worst things I think I've ever done, and I've never felt guiltier (well, after I was sober and realized what had happened).

Let's not even get into the 'I love you' part either.

But honestly, I've don't worse. I've used to do horrible things all the time, and in time, I'll share my stories. Think of it as therapeutic for me, and you're my psychiatrist.

Even though I've changed, and am now longer that person (thank Merlin for that), it doesn't stop me from wondering what would have happened if I'd never kissed him.

* * *

The days following 'Dark Wednesday' were horrible, but not for the reason that you'd think. It's not because the whole school found out about it, or because Potter keeps bothering me about it. It's not even because of the fact that I was traumatized (which I kind of was).

It's because it seems as though Potter hasn't told a single soul.

The anticipation as to why and what's going to happen next is killing me. I could have dealt with the more reasonable options, but this I'm not used to and am definitely not equipped to handle.

I was so confused. Why did it seem that any opportunity Potter would get to make fun of me these days, he didn't take advantage of.

* * *

_Anyways, so there it is, please let me knoww what you think. THANKS!_


	3. Back to Normality?

_Hey everyone, sorry it's been a while. Here's the new chapter, I hope you enjoy it!_

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_**Flickering Lights**_

**Chapter Three: Back to Normality? **

Normality. It's a comfort to some and a bore to others. I happen to find it unbelievably comfortable even to a point where it's unhealthy. Some people like myself strive for normality to such an extent that it becomes their primary focus in life and when anything out of this normality pops up they are unequipped to handle it. When your normality is achieved it feels as though a weight is lifted off your shoulders. You are dependent upon this normality in your life.

However to those who hate it, they are usually found going to extreme lengths to break this normality. They will go to such an extent it could end up harming either themselves or others and could end in serious consequences. But these do not matter to them, because this too is out of the area of normality.

Potter was one of those people. He hated everything and anything normal. He liked to live on the edge and be completely and annoyingly unpredictable. We used to be the complete opposites in this area, which was one of the many things we used to disagree on. _Opposites Attract_, Sarah used to tell me. I'd only scoff at her; like I'd ever actually be with Potter (no matter how much I used to like him).

This fact about him was the explanation I chose for his attitude towards me. He continued with this strange attitude towards me for another _two weeks_. It was two weeks where I was going absolutely insane. I was so paranoid that I was about a day away from being admitted to St. Mungos.

"_Lily Lily Lily," Potter said coming up behind me. "Don't you look lovely today; did you do something with your hair?" He asked. I froze in the corridor. I couldn't even breathe. What _was _he doing?_

"_It's up," I said dryly. I still couldn't move I was so in shock. _

"_I like it," he said, before doing something that nearly sent me over the edge. He held out his hand and brushed a stray hair out of my face. "Have a lovely day," he said before striding off down the hall. _

That one had to have been a joke. I mean seriously it must have been a prank. I was so in shock after that, I stood in the corridor for approximately 10 minutes frozen solid. After I finally could bring myself to move, I skipped the rest of the day and faked sick in the hospital wing.

"_Everyone partner up," Professor McGonagall announced to the class. _

_Throughout the room, people rushed to choose their partners. As per usual, I was going to go with Alice or someone else (whoever would actually be willing to partner with me), however someone tapped me on the shoulder. _

_Potter. _

"_Hello Lily, partner?" He asked._

_I gave him the blankest stare I could muster up. All that I could really say to him was, "No."_

So as you can see, these past two weeks have been quite interesting. Those are just two examples, but there are many more.

The day things went back to normal; I nearly fell to my knees and thanked Merlin. Seriously, it was such a relief not to worry about the fact that he was being so freakishly nice. When you're like me—a social pariah I mean—you've got to worry about people being nice to you.

His abnormality ended a few days ago. We were in the great hall, and he made quite a huge proclamation of his dislike for me.

_I walked into the great hall for lunch and sat down in my usual spot for lunch. I was just about to take a bite when I was so rudely interrupted. _

"_Careful there Evans, wouldn't want to gain any more weight," Black said mockingly, sliding into the seat next to me so that his back was facing the table. _

_Now I wasn't a particularly fat person; I'd actually say I was quite fit honestly (and that's in a completely non-arrogant way—I've been told so from many third party observers (not that I really care)). But with Black, I was used to the things he said not making sense. _

"_You do realize Black that you are completely idiotic and half the things you say make no sense, right?" I asked, taking a big noticeable bite of my food. _

_Black smirked. "Oh? Someone's getting a little arrogant about themselves, aren't they? And you call _us _arrogant?" He said. _

_I was about to retort when Potter came by. He was across the table from us, and he put one leg up on the bench. Seeing him made me jumpy; if he was here to defend me I was going to hop right up and leave this second; I don't usually back down from a confrontation. I felt like hiding whenever I saw him. _

_But the words out of his mouth surprised me; made me feel great relief. "Think you're so smart Evans?" He said with a scowl. He seemed angry at me about something; it was a good feeling. He had a slight pained look on his face. "Well you're just as arrogant as the rest of us," he said. _

Anyways, the argument continued, yadda, yadda, yadda. What's important is that things went back to normal and I couldn't be happier.

So then why was I a little hurt when he called me arrogant?

* * *

Hogsmede visits were always enjoyable; it was a chance to escape Hogwarts gloomy walls and dreary classrooms and get some fresh air. It was also an opportunity to go shopping for dresses for the spring dance.

Not that I was one of those people.

However Alice and Co. were those people, and just as I was on my way into Hogsmede, they intercepted me and practically ordered me to go dress shopping with them.

"But I'm not going to the dance," I had protested profusely.

Penelope shrugged, though not too enthusiastic; she wasn't my biggest fan but most likely her friends made her be nice. "So, it'll be fun, you can help _us _buy dresses," she said.

That sounds fun.

Note my sarcasm.

"No really, it's alright, I'd be no fun anyways," I said trying to get out of it, but they kept sucking me back in.

"No," Alice protested. "It'll be even more fun if you come," she said. Oh great. "You _have _to come," she said, nearly whining.

I sighed. That girl. There was no saying no to her, she was just too nice. "Fine," I sighed.

Which is how, ten minutes later, I ended up at the store, sitting on what I like to call the 'boyfriend bench', waiting for Alice, Penelope, and Jean to come out with their third dresses. I call it the boyfriend bench because that's usually the bench that boyfriends are forced to sit on when their girlfriends make them go shopping with them. There's one in almost every store.

"Girls," came Penelope's voice from over the stall, "I think I found the _one_," she said with a dreamy sigh.

She nearly burst out of the change room with excitement and my jaw dropped.

Oh dear lord, _what _was that girl _thinking_. That was the most atrocious looking dress I'd ever seen in my life. First off, how ugly it was can be summed up in one small fact; it's _orange_. And not just a normal orange, but a _fluorescent _orange. There were also feathers all over and glitter too. Holy mother of Merlin if she were only a little more yellow she'd look like a chicken.

"It's…" I began, not knowing how to respond. She glared at me, one of those, 'your life will be a living hell if you insult it' looks, "…nice?"

She smiled. "I know, right?" She said.

I nearly smacked my forehead. That girl…no words could properly describe her.

Then Jean stepped out of the change room and I must say her taste is ten times better then Penelope's. I mean, it wasn't orange (or some other appalling colour), it had no feathers and no glitter, and it looked fairly nice on her.

Then it was Alice's turn. "You guys ready?" she asked.

"Yeah, come out!" Jean yelled to her.

She stepped slowly out of the stall, and our jaws all dropped (not like with Penelope, this was much _much _better).

"You look _amazing_," I told her honestly. She smiled and looked at it.

"It's a little expensive," she said, swaying making the skirts swish, "But I think it's worth it," she said.

"Oh for sure," Jean said.

At this moment, they all began to squeal and jump around, holding hands. This was something I never understood about being a girl; the unnecessary jumping and squealing. It had no purpose and was quite annoying.

Alice stopped suddenly and turned on me, and the other two followed. I was suddenly scared; the look on her face was not one I liked.

"Lily hasn't tried a dress on yet," she said. My eyes widened. There was no way in hell they were going to get me into one of those dresses. You couldn't _pay _me enough money. I had once loved the joy of trying on dresses, but now found it useless and pointless and I found dresses unbearably uncomfortable and impractical.

"Holy mother of Merlin Lily, you look _incredible_,_" _Alice said as I stepped out of the change room. They had finally managed to get me into a dress, as reluctant as I was. I had on a—I had to admit—gorgeous dress. It was white and to the knee and just was amazingly beautiful. "You _have _to get it and go to the dance," she said.

I nearly scoffed. Instead, someone seemed to do it for me. "Didn't we go over this already? _Nobody _would go with _Evans_," Came Potter's voice. I looked around but he was nowhere in sight. Then, one of the stall door suddenly opened and Potter stepped out wearing a tux (it was a muggle clothing dance; no dress robes). My eyes locked with his and the smirk he'd had on his face fell. He looked shocked, but he also had a look of recognition…or recollection. I knew exactly what he was thinking of.

* * *

"_So _where _are the guys again?" I asked Sarah. _

_She sighed pinning up the last of her hair. "I _told _you, they're going to meet us there. We _have _to be fashionably late, remember?" Sarah said for the tenth time that night. _

_I sighed and sat dejectedly down on the bed, waiting until we could leave. Emma came out of the bathroom and sat next to me. "You okay?" She asked awkwardly. Things had been awkward ever since she admitted to liking James. _

"_Um yeah," I said hesitantly. We sat in silence for a moment before she said, "I can't take this Lily, us not speaking like friends. So I have a proposition for you; neither of us can have him," she said. _

_I considered her proposition. I smiled, "Sounds like a deal," I told her holding out my hand to shake on it. Instead she pulled me into a huge hug._

"_Alright, Alright, break up the sob fest," Sarah said impatiently. "I'm ready, _now _we can go," She said. _

_We arrived at the dance late and people were all dancing. I was about to walk onto the dance floor, when I saw James. He was joking around with Sirius and Remus, dancing badly and having a good time. It made me smile watching him. Oh Merlin I was in _way _too deep. _

_He finally saw me through the crowd of dancers, watching, and we locked eyes. He froze. The smile fell off his face into a look of admiration. He walked slowly over towards us. "You look…beautiful," he told me seriously. It took a lot out of me not to blush too much. The song changed to a slow one and I suddenly felt awkward. _

"_Thanks," I said, "You don't look so bad yourself," I told him. I actually saw his cheeks tint red that time. It made me smile. _

_He broke out of whatever sort of state he was in. He held out his hand, "Care to dance?" He asked. _

_I looked at Emma; she didn't look to happy, but she gave me a 'go ahead' motion. I took his hand and followed him to the dance floor. _

_It was awkward for a moment, as we stood there out on the dance floor, not knowing how to go about dancing. I finally broke the awkwardness by placing my hands around his neck and his circled my waist. "Did I mention how beautiful you look?" He asked. _

_I looked up and laughed at his sheepish smile. Now this was the James I loved; the kind, lovable, not awkward, amazing one. Not that awkward guy he was a few seconds ago. "Yeah, you did," I told him. _

_He glanced down as I smiled. "You have such a pretty smile, you should smile more," He told me. I tried, once again, not to blush, but felt myself failing. _

"_I smile loads," I told him. _

_He scoffed. "Not nearly enough," he said._

_I rolled my eyes at him. "What, do you want me to just smile for no reason? I need some reason to smile, I'm not just going to walk around like lunatic all day smiling," I joked. _

_He didn't seem to realize I was joking. "Well, maybe if you were just in the company of someone who made you smile more…" he said trailing off. The world seemed to melt away at that moment. I saw him lean in closer, and I followed suit. _

"_Maybe…" I whispered so close to him now. The world had disappeared from around us; it was just him and me. My eyes flickered closed and I felt our lips about to touch—_

"_PRONGS!" Sirius yelled, nearly tackling him on his side, knocking us away from each other. My heart sank. "We have to go," he told him. _

_James and I locked eyes for a moment and I saw my disappointment reflected in his face. "Bye Lily," he said in a near whisper, almost unable to say anything, before following Sirius out of the great hall._

_

* * *

_

Potter froze. He obviously had just remembered that night and realized that we'd actually used to _like _each other, and that many people _did _want to go with me to the dance. His hatred was falling away just from that small memory. After he recovered he turned on his heels fleeing the store, only stopping to through a bunch of money on the counter for the tux he was currently wearing. He didn't look back. Remus came into the change room once he'd left, grabbed Potter's stuff, and left while giving us an apologetic look.

I guess things weren't as back to normal as I thought.

* * *

Normality is something I treasure, I think I've made that much clear, but I know now that the normality I strive for with Potter will never happen; too much messy history is in the way of that. Whenever I think things are back to normal with us (now normal, not back then normal; nothing back then was normal with us), something from our past seems to pop up and ruin everything.

I'd decided not to get that dress, no matter how nice it was. I wasn't going to the dance, just as I didn't go last year. Two years ago, the last dance I'd gone to with my friends, was the last I ever wanted to go to. No chance of a repeat in events. Potter can go and try and seduce some other girl this year; not me. Heck, maybe it'll be Emma, I'm sure she'd love that.

I think back on the changes that I've gone through since that night, and I always wonder to myself if it was worth losing all my friends over becoming a better person. If things hadn't gone the way they did, and I'd never changed, would I be better off that way? Being friends with Emma and Sarah and the marauders?

Until today actually, I always _knew _I'd made the right decision, and that my life was better off the way it was now. But thinking back to that dance makes me rethink everything. I'd been so happy back then, but it was a sort of blissfully ignorant happy. Once that ignorance was shattered, all happiness with that life had been lost with it. But these days I'm not even half as happy as I was then.

I've never had a question in my mind, a thought pass through my head, that I'd made the wrong decision. But suddenly, I'm questioning everything.

And I really don't like that.

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_Anyways, there's the chapter, I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you thought, thanks!_


	4. Love to Hate and Back Again

**Welcome to Hogwarts everyone, a place filled with attention seekers and popularity contests. A place where your status can define you, "Move it Evans!" and I was right at the bottom. **

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**_Hey guys, sorry it's been a while, been busy with school and whatnot. I hope your still with me. Anyways I'm still not completely happy with some of this, but i felt bad about not updating i tried to finish it quickly. Next chapter will be better and sooner (i hope)_**. Thanks.**

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**Flickering Lights**

**Chapter Four: Love to Hate and Back Again**

You hate the most the people you used to love; isn't that what people always say? Having strong feelings towards a person does not diminish in size, but change in type of feeling. You can love someone so much, but that feeling towards them never dies; you'll come to find that the more you loved a person, the more you can hate them.

That's how I felt with Potter (if you hadn't already noticed), and that's how I feel about my two ex best friends, Sarah and Emma, who coincidentally, hate each other as much as they hate me. The three of us used to be inseparable; all unique in personality from the other, which incidentally lead to our downfall (well, aside from the whole Potter thing).

Emma was always the responsible nice one; she was freakishly kind to almost everyone. Sarah was the party girl; wild and unstoppable. Then there was me; the other one I guess. Together we made a force not to be reckoned with.

Not to say we never fought, because we did, and when we did, it wasn't a half assed fight. We got all into it, and the entire school would know about it and be involved.

It was the fight of a lifetime—James Potter involved—which ended our friendship, and my rein as stupid popular and ridiculously shallow.

Sometimes I'm thankful that the fight happened. But at the same time I'm greatful I've seen the light.

* * *

"Class, sit down. Mr. Black, sit down in a _chair _not a _desk _if you will," came the stern voice of Professor Andrews, the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. She was horrid; the type that could be potentially attractive but was a 30 year old virgin, stiff bisuness suits, hair in tight bun, glasses, stick up her arse. She hated every single student in this school. Gotta love teachers they hire here.

I took my seat next to a fellow student who completely ignormed my existence, Timmy Allen. Typically he spent the class chatting with others and pretending I wasn't there.

Which was perfectly fine with me.

"Now, as I imformed you all of last class, the project worth half of your final grade partners will be assigned today…"

She began to read out the assigned partners, and I knew I'd just get stuck with someone horrid. I just have that bad karma – the world sometimes Is just completely against me. It has to be because—

"Evans," came then tense voice of Emma as she slammed her books down on the desk beside me.

Yes, that Emma. James Potter stealing ex best friend Emma.

Somebody out there hates me.

I began to get straight to business, "So, what I was thinking for the project was—"

"Lookie here," came the obnoxious voice of Sirius Black. "Is the dynamic duo back together again? Should I start gathering the rest of the gang?" He asked obnoxiously.

I rolled my eyes, but before I could say any snappy comment (and trust me I had one brewing), Emma jumped in, "Bite me, Black."

He smirked. "Oh Emma, didn't know that was your thing, thought was more of Lilyflower's thing."

"Oh?" Emma questioned, swiveling her head between Sirius and I. "You and Evans had a go? So she just wasn't interested in stealing my boyfriend but hooking up with his best friend?"

"OI! Leave me out of this!" Came Potter's protest from Black's right.

"Yeah," I said sarcastically, "leave the boy out of it, because he isn't relevant in this conversation at all."

Potter glared, but swiveled back to face his work.

The subject was dropped after that point—it was getting to awkward. When the four of us—or any of our old group—get together and talk, awkwardness and tension immediately insues.

Why can't I just be placed in a bubble so I never have to see any of them again.

* * *

The libray is like my sanctuary; my home away from home of sorts. It's always quiet and nearly empty; thank Merlin that students at Hogwarts don't waste their precious time doing something so trivial and insignificant as homework and studying.

This project could potentially be the death of me—well of my Defense Against the Dark Arts grade that is. 50 percent of my grade relying on a girl who hates my guts. Now I'm sure that will end well. Hense why I'm currently in the library—_alone—_doing some research.

"Hey there Evans," a familiar voice said, and I could see out of the corner of my eye a figure slip into the seat across from me. I looked up briefly to acknowledge who it was. Adam Langston. A former boyfriend of mine. One of the few people who is still adequately nice to me, which is surprising seeing as out of all my boyfriends he was the one who I ended on worst terms with. I think he just pities me.

"Hey Adam," I said dismissively, turning most of my attention back to my book. I know that seems rude, but honestly, he probably wont even notice im barly paying attention to him. I wasn't known for choosing boyfriends based on their intelligence. Just another chalk up to the things about my former self I'm ashamed of.

He leaned forward in his seat, trying to get a look at what I was reading. It was quite annoying really. I sighed and told him, "It's for my defense project." He leaned back in his chair after that, making me emit a small sigh of relief that he was no longer in my face. I quite valued my personal space really; one thing I valued about being such an outcast was that no one _wanted _to get in my personal space anymore.

He clicked his tonge. "Where's your partner?" he asked. I rolled my eyes, but seeing as my face was still down in my book he couldn't tell. His endless questions and pestering would soon get annoying, I had a vague memory of that.

I shrugged, "Probably off shagging Potter," I muttered to myself, hoping he hadn't heard me. Adam had never really grasped the concept of sarcasm, which was one of the many things which put a damper on our relationship. To my surprise however, he laughed. I dimly recall Adam not having much of a sense of humor. Man do I know how to pick 'em.

"I'm guessing Emma is your parner?" He asked. I nodded, but still didn't turn my attention fully to him. "You always _were_ funny," he stated. I raised my eyebrow skeptically a that, but he still couldn't tell. I don't remember him every laughing at any of my jokes, or him making any for that matter. Nice guy though, really (and that was me trying to justify dating him aside from his looks). "It's a shame Potter was such an ass a few years back," he stated.

"Potter's always an ass," I muttered to myself instinctively. I let his words sink in before my head snapped up, my green eyes meeting his blue. "What do you mean exactly by 'a few years back'?" I questioned sharply.

He shrugged. "You know, with him breaking us up an all that," he said as though it were common knowledge.

I was so livid I swear I could see red. My face heated up with anger and I had to bunch my hands into fits to prevent myself from having a fit and throwing something. My tone was quiet and severe, "What did you just say?"

"You know, him breaking us up. Clever bastard, Potter is," he stated, as though he were stating that it was raining out, or that we were having chicken for dinner. "Always was kind of possessive of you," he said, but I was no longer really listening, too stuck on this small detail which made me so furious I felt the sudden urge to throttle someone; namely Potter. "I guess things haven't changed much, huh?"

I didn't really let what he had just said sink in before I stormed out of the library, leaving my stuff strewn about, and a very confused Adam in my wake.

* * *

"You asshole," I marched right up to Potter, slapping him clear across the face, leaving a little red handprint. That gave me a sort of sick satisfaction.

"What the _hell_ Evans?" He asked in outrage, his hand cupping his cheek.

"_That," _I began angrily, "Was for breaking up Adam Langston and I two years ago," she told him.

A strange expression crossed his face, as though he were definitely not expecting that. His voice was low and tense all of a sudden, "He wasn't a right fit for you."

This just made me angrier, if that was even possible. I could feel the eyes on us as students passing by stopped to look onto the argument. "Oh and what? _You _were?" I asked in outrage.

He seemed not to realize what came out of his mouth until it was out, "I would be a heck of a lot better than _him_," he argued. The moment he said, it his mouth clenched shut, as though he hadn't meant to say something that would bring up our past 'relationship' type thing we had. Well tough luck for him because that's the only way this conversation could go.

"Oh and what right did that give _you _to break us up?!" I cried. He was about to retort, but I wasn't finished. I lowered my voice to match his tone, "You _saw _what I was like afterwards; I was a wreck, and now that's on _your _head."

His cool façade was clearly slowly deteriorating as he pictured two years ago in his mind.

_Tears streamed down my face as I ran, my dejected footsteps echoing down the empty corridor. I just wanted to escape; to have everyone looking at me like they had –with pity—was too much for me to handle. One more sympathetic look and I was going to loose it. _

_The shock had been unbearable. I'd never though Adam would do something like this. Sure, he wasn't the smartest or funniest person around, but he was really sweet. To catch him making out with Tara Freedman in front of _everyone _just didn't seem real. It was like I was trapped in some strange nightmare and I couldn't get out. _

_I began to choke on my tears and found myself unable to run. I was only minutes from Gryffindor's portrat hole but I knew that I couldn't make it there. I found myself collapsing by the wall, sliding down until I sat hunched in a ball, head buried in my knees. _

_I sat there for god knows how long. I only finally looked up when I felt a presence near by; a shadow loomed over me. _

"_What are you doing here James?" I asked him. _

_A horrible look crossed his face as I looked into his eyes. I could only imagine how I looked at that moment. His face held an expression which was a mix between sympathy, horror, and…guilt? I brushed that thought aside as the sympathy took over and he slid down next to me. _

"_Lily, I saw what happened. Are you alright?" He questioned, his voice quiet and serious and full of concern. _

_I rolled my eyes as best I could. "Do I seem alright?" I asked in defeat. A fresh wave of tears began rolling down my pale cheeks. He didn't say anything; just slid his arm around my shoulders and cradled me into his chest as I continued to cry out my pain._

"And what would the difference be if I _hadn't _broken you two up huh?" He asked, clearly trying to get our hated relationship back, and lead away from the past. "You would have found out what an ass he was eventually—"

"Be that as it may," I interrupted, not wanting to listen to his crap anymore. "You had no right. You had no say over who I do and do not date. Only _I _can be the judge of that. Do you realize how much pain I was in after that? That's all on _your _head!"

I could see his façade deteriorating, and the old James I used to know coming through, and Potter the ass disappearing. He was fighting with all his might to keep it up, but that comment did it for him. I know him, as much as I hate to admit it, and I know he hates being responsible for girls in pain, especially girls crying. (That's one thing that actually makes him decent).

Did I just admit that?

God I hate him.

I saw him putting his defences up and getting ready to retaliate with something aweful, and I prepared myself. But nothing could have prepared me for what came out of his mouth next.

"I know, and I've had to live with that fact every day, and it kills me," he told me. His tone was loud, angry…sad. I felt the blood rush from my face. Did he just…?

Before I could say anything, he was gone. The group that had began to gather around us dispersed, and I remained standing there, staring in shock.

I felt my back hit the cold stone wall, and like two years ago, I slid to the floor. There were no tears however. Nothing but shock, and confusion.

Just as the last person left, leaving me all alone, I was surprised to see a shadow looming over me, giving me a strange sense of déjà vu. "You two always _were _overdramatic about things having to do with your relationship," a familiar voice said above me.

Sarah.

"My advice," she continued, and I finially looked up and met her eyes. "Get over yourselves; you'll both be a lot happier if you do."

And then she was gone, and I was even more confused.

This seemed to be a common theme these days.

* * *

I always thought Potter hated me; I always thought he thrived on my pain. I thought that's how we worked. Then he just has to go ruining the entire basis of our relationship, and driving me completely mad. I hate him. He makes me question everything these days, and I hate that.

Sarah hasn't spoken to me in over a year—of course the first thing she said to me would be about Potter. She was always very 'pro Lily James relationship', to which I would typically hit her and tell her to bugger off.

Holy mother of merlin these stupid people are going to drive me up the wall. Routine is routine, why cant they just keep with routine?

It would make my life so much easier.

And help me retain my sanity.

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_Anyways, I hope your still with me, and you enjoyed it. Tell me what you thought, comments, questions, concerns, ideas? Thanks._


	5. Potter and James, Part 1

**Welcome to Hogwarts everyone, a place filled with attention seekers and popularity contests. A place where your status can define you, "Move it Evans!" and I was right at the bottom. **

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_Hey, so this is a quick update, i had it written so i thought i'd publish part 1 - part 2 to come really soon, i promise. Some of the chapter may seem a little random, but i swear everything has a point to it. Anyways, let me know what you think! Thanks!_

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**Flickering Lights**

**Chapter Five: Potter and James, Part 1**

Reason: The basis or motive for an action, decision, or conviction. Reason uses logic. Reason is what helps us determine right from wrong. Emotion: a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling. Both these ways of knowing are required in making a moral decision.

Reason is fallible. Emotion is volatile. At least in my case. So does this mean I'm incapable of making a moral decision?

If you give me enough time to reason something through, my final conclusion becomes flawed, as though I've over analyzed a situation to such a point that my vision is skewed. Over time, emotion tends to change, and when hand in hand with reason, my emotions are not typically reliable.

Let's take Potter for example. After that … thing that changed everything, I hated him sure, but not to such an extent that the very sight of him made me angry. It began simply; we drifted apart because of uncomfortable circumstances. After time, my mind began to internally struggle with itself over our situation, until I ended up despising him with a fiery passion. My emotions had always been strong for him, and over more time the care I felt for him developed into complete hatred.

So how am I supposed to make a moral decision if I can barely control my own mind?

If only I knew.

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It's funny how much people can change in so little time. Back when I was friends with the Marauders, Potter was a completely different person—he was James, not Potter.

James and Potter are two different entities; a sort of a strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I've never seen a boy so prone to multiple personality disorder.

James was sweet, caring, chivalrous. He was hilariously funny, always able to make me laugh, yet at the same time he was able to be serious when appropriate. He was fun, unpredictable, and as much as I hate unpredictability, in him it made me like him even more. He was protective, always making me feel safe; he would hold me when I was sad, make me laugh when I was bored. He was one of my best mates.

Potter is the complete opposite; a complete arrogant jackass. His humor is cruel, meant to harm others, and he seemed to get off on others' pain, the bloody wanker. I don't know when he transitioned into this horrible person, but he was no longer the James I knew.

There was only one element the two had in common, and that is their bloody obsession with Quidditch.

"…and Potter takes possession of the Quaffle, he is on fire today, and looking _fine_ in that Quidditch uniform—"

"—Ms. Julian, _the game_," Came the terse voice of Professor McGonagall, interrupting the voice of Mia Julian from the announcers box.

"Sorry, Prof. McG. Potter passes to Manning—back to Potter—he speeds towards the goal posts—keeper Marks dives—misses—and GRYFFINDOR SCORES! This leaves the score at 230-170 for Gryffindor."

Gryffindor fans cheered, all of them bundled up in their bright red scarves, waving flags with enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes as I sat in the stands, watching the game. Sure, I showed up to the games; enjoying them however was a different issue.

"Hey there Lily." My head snapped away from the game as someone sat down next to me. Who would dare to sit with reject Lily Evans at a public event in front of the whole school?

Remus Lupin, that's who.

"Uh, hi?" I asked, slightly puzzled. He gave me his nice boy smile, as though nothing out of the ordinary was happening. "Uh Remus, don't take any offense to this or anything, but why are you sitting here?"

He shrugged. "Why wouldn't i?" he responded simply. My eyebrows furrowed confused as I turned back to the game. It's not like Remus and I ever really had any issues—I was always friends with him, but ever since my 'split' from the Marauders happened we just haven't spoken. However unlike Potter, Remus and I have had no hatred, no hostility, and no referring to each other in surnames. We just sort of stopped talking.

"…and Hufflepuff with possession—Walter takes the Quaffle—passes to Lee—then to Diggory—back to Lee—_yes_ and intercepted by Manning—passes to Potter—Griffen—back to Potter—and ANOTHER GOAL FOR GRYFFINDOR!"

I watched as Potter flew around, a giant grin on his face, a twinkle in his eyes. It was at times like these that I saw the old James in him.

God I hate Quidditch sometimes.

"You know Lily, It's not like I hate you; we _were _friends…it shouldn't be that weird that I'm sitting here," Remus said all of a sudden.

I didn't look at him as I answerwed, "We don't exactly talk anymore Remus."

"And whose fault is that?" He asked, implying it was clearly mine.

Suddenly there were gasps in the crowd and everyone's head swiveled; seekers Edwards and Abbott both dived and were heading straight for a golden glimmer on the ground; the snitch.

No one made a sound; no one was even breathing. The suspense was killing everyone; it was anyone's game at this point. Both seekers were reeling towards the ground, arms outstretched.

I didn't say anything to Remus; focusing on the game as I tried to pretend Remus wasn't there. "Lily," he said trying to get my attention. His voice was quite loud in comparison to the rest of the silent students. "As much as you may hate to believe it, you _do _have friends Lily."

Cheers irrupted throughout the pitch as the Gryffindor seeker flew up, a small gold object fluttering in his palm.

Gryffindor won, so why did I suddenly feel like such crap.

* * *

The victory party was in full swing in Gryffindor common room. Hoards of drunk students giving into their hormones and having a good ol' time. My plan, as per usual, was to walk straight on through the party, right up to my room where I can snuggle into my warm comfy bed and go to sleep early.

Alice had a different plan.

"Lily!" She greeted jovially as I stepped through the portrait hole. She stood hand in hand with Frank, with Penelope Clairfield and Mia Julian at her side. She obviously had had a drink or two, and though she wasn't completely drunk (yet) she was definitely looser then usual.

"Oh hi Alice," I greeted uneasily. Drunk people make me uneasy. It must have been—oh I don't know—from that time I got drunk and made out with my best friends boyfriend. Yeah, I haven't done much drinking since then.

I passed right on by them, trying to head straight for the staircase, hoping the group was too drunk to notice me leaving.

That plan failed.

"Lily, where are you going?" Alice asked.

"Yeah you big stick-in-the-mud, you never stay for parties," Mia commented, obviously having had more to drink then Alice, seeing as never in a million years would she sound like she wanted me to stay at a party with her when she was sober.

"Stay here, have some fun," Alice said.

I sighed. "Sure. Why not?" There was no way I was getting out of this now.

Alice seemed glad, but that apparently changed seeing as only minutes later I found myself completely alone, standing by a wall near in the outskirts of the party. I contemplated just going upstairs now, but to fight my way through the crowd to the staircase seems like too much effort, and I'm exhausted. If only I could make it to that couch over there…

"Lookie Lookie who it is," a familiar voice I dreaded hearing drawled from behind me. I stood rooted in place for a moment, before swiveling around to face him, arms crossed over my chest, scowl on my face. "It's my little lewd Lilyflower," he mumbled hazily, before giggling at what he probably thought was a very clever alliteration.

"Potter, what—"It was then that the pungent smell hit me. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Are you _drunk_?" I questioned, but then rethought it over. Of _course _he was drunk—if there's a party and there's alcohol present, James Potter will be drunk.

"No," he stated a little too quickly. He got a sheepish expression on his face, and I saw him sway on the spot. He held up his thumb and forefinger so that they were millimeters apart, "Okay," he admitted, "maybe a little wee bit," he said with a giggle.

Merlin, drunk Potter is stupid. I mean stupider then normal Potter, which is _really _saying something.

I sighed with annoyance as he began to remove his glasses and spin them around between his fingers, nearly smacking me in the face repeatedly. I reached out and grabbed his wrist, stopping the spinning, my teeth clenched tight in aggravation. "Would. You _. Stop._"

He giggled once more before his face went incredibly somber. "Lily," he said my name gently. There he goes, using my first name again. He should never do that—ever. He reached out his hand towards my face, and that was when I saw it. It was barely visible for more than a second, but there it was, clear as day, a small glint in the corner of his hazel eyes.

James.

Not Potter. Not the ever so popular James Potter. But _my _James. My James back when I used to be Lily and not Evans. Back when my life was completely different.

Back when I fancied him.

That's when I began to freak out.

"Ja—Potter, I think it's time you went back to the party, and I went upstairs. I think I've overstayed my welcome," I stated anxiously. Without a word, I tuned and began forcing myself through the hoards of drunkards towards the girl's dormitory staircase.

My foot had barely touched the first step when a forceful hand grabbed my wrist and pulled, causing me to spin around, my chest colliding with a distinctly male one, and James Potter forcing his lips upon mine.

Whether it was James or Potter, I wasn't sure, but either way, this was not good.

His lips were hot against mine; urgent and passionate. I struggled to remove myself from him, but he was strong; Quidditch muscles, though attractive to look at, were inconvenient in situations like these. Not that I thought I'd ever be in this sort of situation. He pulled me close, possessively wrapping one arm around my waist, the other tangling itself into my hair. My hands settled on is chest, trying to push him away, but he took it as encouragement to continue.

Still standing in the girl's stairwell, he maneuvered me against the wall, trapping me, plastering his body against mine. I don't know when it happened, but my immense struggle turned into pleasure. It was as though, involuntarily, I found myself kissing him back eagerly, my hands threading through his mess of black hair, pulling him closer. His sent was intoxicating, making me dizzy, unable to think clearly.

It was out of control. I didn't have the self restraint to stop, and it was clear he didn't want to stop either. It was when I felt his hand brushing gently against my bare leg, making it's way up my skirt slowly when I snapped back to my senses. This couldn't be happening. I pushed all thoughts of the fact that he was a dangerously good kisser out of my head as I realized what I was really doing. This was not James. This was Potter.

At least that's what I told myself.

I pushed at his chest once more. No movement. I prepared myself to do the only thing I knew in this situation.

"Bloody _hell_," He cried in pain, bending over, wheezing, his hands nurturing where I'd kneed him in the crotch. I glared furiously at him, restraining my loud gasping, my chest rising and falling rapidly. He looked about ready to vomit, and I wasn't sure if it was the pain, the alcohol, or the fact he just realized he'd kissed me.

I felt a little like vomiting myself.

That's when I ran straight up the stairs, away from my situation from hell.

What the fucking hell just happened?

* * *

I did not just make out with James Potter. I did not just make out with James Potter. I would _never _make out with James Potter.

Oh Merlin, I did, and boy am I ashamed of myself.

What am I going to do with myself?

Let's think about how this could have possibly happened reasonably. What I did was wrong, but I had no control over what happened. He initiated the kissing, and I was not responsible in any way for responding as I did. This is due to his impeccable kissing skills which no girl in her right mind could resist.

Now he was drunk, so _he _was in no way responsible for _initiating _the kiss. Therefore, neither of us were responsible for our actions, and therefore the whole thing was no big deal, right?

Reason tells me that I should never get into a situation like that ever again.

Then why are my emotions telling me to jump his bones next time I see him? Or maybe that's just my hormones.

God did I just serious think that? Jump his bones?

Good lord this boy is driving me completely mad! Bonkers I tell you!

I just need to sleep—yes sleep and everything will be better tomorrow—

OH bloody hell, what if somebody saw us?

If this got out I would _never _live this down.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

As well, if I think about this, I was kissing James—he had the James glint, not the Potter one. At one point I was almost in love with James so it's understandable. That makes me feel a little better…I think.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

At this rate, I'll never get to sleep.

Did I mention I hate him?

* * *

I got up early that next morning, seeing as I never really went to sleep. Nightmares and thoughts of Potter haunted me. I went down to breakfast, half asleep as I sat eating.

Someone slid into the seat next to me as a chomped lazily and thoughtfully on my breakfast. I didn't look up. My eyes slid shut and I forced them back open before I fell asleep face first in my pancakes—going to class with maple syrup on my cheek would be the cherry on top of a shitty week sunday. "Rough night Evans?" An unfamiliar voice questioned.

I scoffed. "Oh you have no idea…" I muttered to myself before looking up.

Oh bloody hell.

This cannot be good.

Harper Kendall sat before me; the queen of all that is superficial and shallow. I also have to live with her in the dorm (unfortunately). She always got whatever her greedy self desired. What she wanted with _me_, I dreaded to find out.

I raised an eyebrow at her as she continued to sit there, a smile on her face which I could clearly see was fake. "So Evans," she said, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder, "I'm loving the look. That hair colour…what would you call it exactly?"

"Red," I bit out, my expression unfazed. Bloody suck up, that's what she is.

She let out a little laugh. "Right. Looks great. Really suits you." She glanced around briefly before fixing her gaze back on me, and I could see the glint in her eyes; she wanted something she _knew _I would never agree to. What is with all these glints these days; they never end well "And that outfit? Amazing. I seriously need to get some styling tips from you."

Oh come on, now _that _is laying it on way to thick.

"It's my uniform," I said unamused with this little game she was playing. Moments later, I sighed. "Okay, what do you want Kendall?"

She rolled her eyes, false smile dropping off her face, her expressing morphing back into the glare she usually looked at me with. She clicked her tongue between her teeth with annoyance—probably due to the fact that she had to sit in the general vicinity of my person. I began to picture all the different possible favors she could be asking for.

'Evans, I need you to move out of the dorm.'

'Evans, can you drop off the face of the earth?'

'Evans, I saw you making out with Potter the other night; can you hook us up?'

I was not even close.

"I need you to tutor me," she stated bluntly. I blinked.

Tutor? As in, a non death related favor where I have to sit with her for hours on end teaching her minuscule brain things she'll never be able to understand.

I think I prefer the Potter scenario.

"No."

It was Harper's turn to blink in confusion. "No?" She asked astonished.

"No."

She sighed, rolling her eyes and tapping her long manicured nails on the table in impatience. "I had a feeling you'd be hesitant about this."

"What hesitation? I didn't hesitate. I was pretty adamant with my answer," I stated. She sat pensively staring at me, trying to consider her next move. I tried to prevent even that, "And gee, can you really blame me? What would compel _me_ to help _you_?"

She didn't miss a beat. "I could pay you."

I considered it for a moment, "Deal."

"Harper?" another familiar female voice said from behind me. I turned and cringed; Sarah. She looked disgusted. "Harper, what are you doing sitting with _her?_"

Harper immediately hopped to her feet. "Nothing, I just uh…got a leg cramp, had to sit down. Let's get out of here Sarah," she said. Sarah walked away with a glare, but Harper gave me a small smile, mouthing a subtle 'thank you'.

Some people just keep surprising me.

* * *

_Anyways so there is part 1 of 2 - part 2 will be interesting i swear...well i hope :) anyways tell me what you think...comments, questions, concerns, ideas? Thanks!_


	6. Potter and James, Part 2

_Hey guys! Sorry it's been soo long i've just been super busy with school and whatnot. So here's chapter six. I wasn't completely happy with this chapter, and it didn't exactly go the way I had planned, but I don't completely mind the switch in direction. Let me know what you guys think. _**  


* * *

Welcome to Hogwarts everyone, a place filled with attention seekers and popularity contests. A place where your status can define you, "Move it Evans!" and I was right at the bottom. **

**Flickering Lights**

_**Chapter Six: Potter and James, Part 2**_

A doppelganger; the ghostly double of a living person. The double or look-alike of a person—typically the 'evil twin'. "Doppelganger" is German for "double walker" - a shadow self that is thought to accompany every person. Traditionally, it is said that only the owner of the doppelganger can see this phantom self, and that it can be a harbinger of death. Occasionally, however, a doppelganger can be seen by a person's friends or family, resulting in quite a bit of confusion.

Now, I've never personally seen _my _doppelganger, nor has anyone else I know, however in my opinion—

James' doppelganger showed up, killed him, posed as Potter, and caused me a shit load of bad luck.

Oh! And caused me a bloody shit load of confusion.

I quite like my theory and I'm sticking with it.

Boy this stupid prat has driven me to complete insanity.

* * *

"…now as we previously have mentioned, human transfiguration is a difficult concept which requires concentration and—"

A large bang from the back of the room interrupted McGonagall's lecture as the door slammed open. Heads of my bored classmates swiveled in the direction of the noise. The four marauder's stood there, silly grin's on two of their faces, apologetic on another, and the fourth looking at the others with admiration.

McGonagall sighed, clearly annoyed yet unsurprised. "Boys, just take a seat, and try not to be tardy next time."

"Will do, McGonagall," Sirius Black said with a wink, sliding into a seat in the back.

"Sorry Professor," Potter said sheepishly, and I twitched. Just the sound of his voice made me twitch. I swiveled my head around just as he sat down with Black, not wanting to even look in his general direction anymore.

That was when a felt a prescence in the empty seat beside me.

"Hey Lily," Remus Lupin whispered to me, a small smile on his face.

What does it take to get rid of this boy?

"What, so you don't speak to me in months but suddenly two days in a row I'm graced with your prescence?" I whispered a little too harshly.

He rolled his eyes, turning back to listen to McGonagall, muttering something along the lines of, "…Just trying to be nice…"

I mean it's not like I feel any sort of antagonism towards Remus, but just because he associates with Potter it means he shouldn't be associating with me. That's just how things are.

It was twenty mintues later or so however, that things between Remus and I became tense.

Because midway through McGonagall's lecture, I felt a whisper in my ear, quiet, short, but full of meaning which scared the crap out of me. "By the way Lily, I _know_."

I froze with shock upon hearing the words, and a million thoughts raced through my mind. It was when I finally turned to meet his eyes however, that I knew that he did indeed know. He knew about the kiss. The smug yet disappointed look in his eyes told me all I needed to know.

Remus Lupin, you just fuffilled my greatest nightmare of having someone know.

Congratrulations.

A millions thoughts raced through my mind at once. I contemplated acting innocent, denying the whole thing ever happened. Then I considered running and getting the hell out of that room. Then I considered killing Potter, but heck, I do that daily.

My eyes must have been wide with shock, so I think denyal was definitely out of the question at this point. I broke our eye contact to avoid giving myself away any more.

Should I talk to him? Or maybe I should ignore it and hope he goes away. But he could tell Potter about it! That would be the very _last _thing I'd want.

I didn't have to contemplate this predicament for much longer however. As soon as class ended—after going by in a daze from the thoughts on my mind—I ran out of the room, only to find myself being grabbed by both arms and thrusted into the girls' loo across the corridor.

"Remus you idiot, I—" I began, until I looked up, meeting the eyes of not just one marauder.

But two.

"Black, what are you doing here?" I asked exasperated. He was cooly leaning against one of the stalls, one foot propped up on the wall, his arms folded in front of his chest, his black hair falling over his stormy grey eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. He held my gaze, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Remus locking the door. I tried to keep up my tough façade, "On that thought, what am _I _doing here exactly?" I asked annoyed.

Sirius' tone was deadpanned, a hint of bitterness however crept into his voice as he spoke, "You know why you're here Evans."

Remus came and joined Sirius by his stall, his expression less unkind, and much less terrifying. "We need to talk about James—"

"I didn't do _anything_," I immediately cut him off, deciding I guess to go with the denial approach. "I don't understand _what _you're talking about, because I didn't do anything."

"Yes you bloody well did!" Sirius snapped. "Don't deny it you're a horrid liar Evans, always have been."

Crap. My denial façade was fading. "Listen Black, I don't what you think that I did, or that I'm lying about, but—"

"You _snogged _him," Sirius announced loudly, pushing away from the wall, and slowly and menacingly took steps closer to me. I subconsciously took a step back. "You snogged James, and you're lying about it, because you have no excuse. _You _weren't drunk—you don't drink."

Lily quick! Think! Time to take a new approach. "I don't see your point."

Sirius looked about ready to murder me. "The _point _Evans is—"

"The _point_," Remus interrupted, glaring at Sirius, clealy annoyed with how Sirius' anger made him lash out immediately. "Is that James is our friend. You seriously screwed him over the in past, and we don't want it to happen again. Currently, James has no recollection your kiss ever happened, and we'd like to keep it that way."

I ignored the one little part of his statement that bothered me, _You seriously screwed him over in the past_…what did that mean? "Like I would _tell_ anyone after he…_forced _himself on me."

Sirius scoffed. "Like you didn't enjoy it."

Okay, this was getting werid.

Remus ignored that comment, "So we have a deal."

"Definitely," I said without hesitation.

We stood in silence for a few seconds, and the awkwardness began settling in. The three of us hadn't been alone for quite some time….

"_Lily Billy, you can't hide forever," Sirius playfully shouted, the snow in his hair melting and dripping down is face. He held a snowball hidden behind his back, the teasing smirk as evident on his face as ever. _

"_Sure I can Black! You are not coming anywhere near me with that thing!" I called from behind a tree, just knowing what he was planning. _

"_I have no idea what you're talking about Lils, what thing?"_

_My teeth chattered from the cold. "That _snowball_!" I cried, hating the snow. _

"_Hmm," another voice came, this one much closer than Sirius'. "You mean like this one?" And next thing I knew, a large cold wet mass was playfully smashed over my hair. _

"Remus_," I cried angrily, and leaned around the tree to see Remus smiling sheepishly at me. "I thought we were teammates!"_

_I had to laugh. Our games of snow wars usually went from teams, to every man for himself by the end. He was inturruped as he was about to speak by a snowball hitting the back of his head. "Gotcha Lily!" Sirius' voice cried, followed by, "Oh, oops. Sorry Remus, you looked a bit like Lily there."_

_Remus glared at Sirius, "In what way do I look like an attractive redhead female?"_

"_He's right Sirius," I said, turning to look at him, trying to maintain my serious expression. "He isn't attractive."_

_Sirius let out a bark of laughter, "Not like your Jamsikins, right Lils? She like's 'em more atheletic," he said the last part to Remus with a wink to me. _

_It was my turn to glare. "Sirius, what did I tell you about—"_

"_Right," he said mock-serious. "No talking about how you're _madly_ in love with James—"_

"_Sirius!" I exclaimed, smacking him on the arm. "I am _not_."_

_"The lady doth protest too much_, _methinks"_

_"I am ____not __in love with him you dimwit."_

_He shook his head. "You can keep telling yourself that love, but you're a rubbish liar." _

_I was _not _madly in love with James. _

I shook away the memory and brought my head back to the loo in which I was currently standing in, with my two ex best friends standing before me. We'd definitely come a long way since that battle in the snow all those winters ago.

"Good," Sirius barked out. "Now let's get out of here Remus, I think I'm catching unpopularity from standing in this room."

"Sirius," Remus chirped, "don't be so rude."

"I mean—" he began, but was cut off by a pounding on the door. The lock was heard magically unclicking, and the door swung open to reveal the topic of conversation.

James Potter.

"Potter," I gasp in shock. How much had he heard? "What are you doing here? This _is _the girls' loo," I pointed out.

He looked pointedly at his two friends. "Then why are _they _here? Kidnap them did you Evans? Torture? Are you forcing them to spend time with you? That _would _be torture."

I rolled my eyes at his idiocy. "_No_, I—"

"That's exactly it mate," Black went on, sending me a look clearly saying, 'play along, there's no other way to explain this.' "Evans just pulled us in here."

Potter shook his head. "Pathetic. Let's get out of here."

It could have been a trick of the light, but as Remus followed Potter out, he gave me the smallest of smiles, and a look that appeared to be sympathetic. Sirius however, had other ideas for a goodbye.

As Potter and Remus stepped out, Sirius turned to me, his face more livid then before. He strode angily over to me by the wall where I stood and backed me up. "You better watch yourself Evans. You hurt James, and I hurt you. He _can't _go through the last few years all bloody over again."

And then he was gone.

I felt my back hit the wall, letting out a sharp breath, and I slowly slid down to the floor. I couldn't take this—my poor _mind _couldn't take this. I just wanted to be left alone, I couldn't deal with this shit right now.

I took a look around the girls' loo and watched as the door Sirius just strode out of swung back and forth.

I was alone.

Thank god for that.

* * *

I had to admit, I was kind of shaken. I'd managed to pick myself off the washroom floor after what seemed like hours. I hated that the marauders still had that affect on me. But I guess it's true what they say; the strength of feelings don't change, just the nature of them. They still were able to affect me just as much as they used to be, only in a very different way.

And it made me feel pathetic, and like all the other sad attention seekers at this bloody school.

As i began my long self-pittying journey back to Gryffindor tower, I was very rudely inturrpted.

"Evans…" a voice drawled tantalizingly from down the dark corridor behind me. When had it gotten so dark? And cold? I involuntarily let out a shiver. "What a _pleasure _to run in to you here…"

Diggory. Shit. Of course it would be him. I _really _was not in the mood for him right now.

I guess an explination is in order. About two years ago, Amos Diggory, Hufflepuff Quidditch extrordinaire developed a bit of a liking towards me.

In the beginning I thought It was kind of cute.

That was until he tried to force himself on me one night.

Luckily James swooped in and helped me out just in time—beat Diggory to a bloody pulp he did.

Now I just find him creepy.

"Diggory," I said, not even bothering to turn around. "What do you want?"

I could almost _feel _the bloody bastard smirking. "Why _you _of course, but you already knew that."

"Well," I said, and pretended to ignore the leap in my chest when I heard him take a step closer. "You remember what happened last time you wanted _me_."

Another step. I froze. "Well, Potter boy isn't here to protect you now."

What an absolute creep. He had seemed so nice back then when he was bringing me flowers and giving me compliments. But he had a very good point. I was alone, and my chances didn't look good. So I did the only thing I could think of. "Furnunculus!" I yelled, whipping out my wand, and swiveling to point it at him.

I was just having such a shit day, that I actually resorted to _hexing _to fix my problems.

Merlin I was turning into the stupid marauders. Why couldn't they leave me the hell alone?

I stared at Diggory as his face began to disform and grow giant hideous boils, but what was particularly odd was that I was not the only voice to have yelled out a curse. At the same time, Diggory's leg's turned to jelly, and he was on the ground in seconds.

"Potter!" I gasp in shock.

He looked livid.

"You're wrong Diggory, you piece of scum," Potter took a menacing step towards Diggory's body. "I will always take up the opportunity to kick your ass." He pointed his wand, and was ready to yell some other curse, when I stopped him.

"Potter no!"

He froze, but didn't lower his wand.

"Potter, I said don't."

"Diggory is scum," He said, his voice more angry than I'd heard in a long time.

"James…" I whisper, seeing something different in him—distant. I see James, _my _James. "Don't," I tell him, and he looks at me. That's when I see something in his eyes that I hadn't seen in a long time. Something strange, something foreign, something that caused my heart to flutter, which scared me even more than the situation I was currently in.

It was a look that said he _cared_.

He slowly lowered his wand. His eyes locking with mine as he stepped away from Diggory laying on the ground. "Did he touch you?" He asked, still beside himself with rage.

"No!" I exclaimed, trying to calm him.

He looked at me, a hint of skepticism slipping into his enraged expression. "Lily…" he said with a hint of reprimand.

"James, _no_. I'm fine. Trust me."

I began to ignore the fact that we'd started to refer to each other by our first names. The whole situation was too strange for my mind to process.

As the anger slowly faded out of his face, a million questions began to fly through my head.

What was Potter doing down there anyways?

Why was Diggory such a creep?

Why did that thing with Diggory scare me so much?

Why did James even care?

Why do I keep calling him James?

Why did he call me Lily?

What are we going to do with Diggory?

How could I respond to a situation like that?

Why did James even care?

Why did _I _care that James care?

And most importantly, how have I not gone mental yet, especially with the sort of last few days I've just had.

"Lily, get out of here," Potter suddenly said.

"What?" I questioned, completely confused.

He looked at me exasperatedly. "Get out of here, I'll get Diggory to the hospital wing. I don't want you near him."

And why was he acting like this?

I vaguely remember myself letting out some sort of nod, and as I turned to hastily make my way back to the dormitories, I caught to most unreadable expression on Potter's face.

* * *

Guilt. It's an interesting feeling. It's so unpredictable and unexplainable, that sometimes it sneaks up on you at the strangest of times. It's an emotion experience that occurs when a person realizes –whether accurately or not—that they have violated their moral standard.

Guilt can be closely associated with remorse. What's interesting though is that even though I feel immense guilt for hexing Diggory, I don't feel remorse. Because even though nothing _happened _and I still hexed him, he had the _intent_ to harm, and isn't the intent to harm just as bad as harming? That's what I've heard.

But I wouldn't trust anything I say these days. Becaues really, I feel like I'm just going bonkers; absolutely bat shit crazy.

Which is loads of fun.

* * *

"Lily!" A voice cried, as I entered the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning. I scanned the room to find Alice and her friends waving me over. Oh joy. Just what I needed right now.

I put on my best smile. "Hey, Alice, Penelope, Jean. How's it going?" I asked, sitting down at their table.

"Did you hear?" They gossiped away. "Diggory got put in the _hospital wing_. Someone hexed him so bad he can barely _walk_."

I visibly blanched. "What?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," Jean continued, "None of the teachers will say who did it—_they _probably don't even know. It apparently happened late last night."

"Hmmm," I hummed casually, trying to appear as though this was interesting and new news to be. But it wasn't. It really wasn't.

"Apparently—"

"So!" I cut Penelope off, desperately wanting to talk about _anything_ other than this. "Penelope, I heard Keven O'Hare asked you to the dance."

She let out a squeal so loud I could have sworn I saw Dumbledore visibly flinch up at the teachers table. "He _did_, it was so _cute_," she began. Mission accomplished; topic successfully changed.

I found myself doing what I often do when Penelope talked; tuning her out and find myself listening into little snipits of other conversations.

"…_covered _in boils…"

Nope, not that one.

"…just feeling _so _bloated and tired…heck maybe I'm pregnant…"

Normally, definitely listen worthy. Today, not in the mood.

"…gotta get to detention."

"Detention again Prongs?"

"You know it Padfoot..."

I slightly turned my head and watched as James Potter got up from his seat across from Black, "What did you do this time, and why wasn't I invited?" Sirius asked, a mischevious smirk on his face.

Potter let out a hum, "Sorry, top secret."

Sirius shook his head. "Hexed snape again?"

An odd expression passed over Potter's face, one that reminded me of the one he made last night as I left him and Diggory. He let out a hallow laugh, "Yep, you caught me."

Sirius smiked, "You can't hide anything from me, Prongs."

Potter scoffed, and turned to leave. Just as he reached the door, he turned, and I could have sworn his eyes locked with mine momentarily.

"…and _then _he had these flowers—yellow roses; my favourite—and…"

I shook it off. Must have been a trick of the light.

"…it was _so _cute…"

I immediately turned to Penelope, "_how _cute?" I asked, knowing I just bought myself another few minutes of me time and Penelope rambled on.

Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Which was a really scary place to be right now.

* * *

_Anyways, what do you guys think? Good or no? Let me know! Thanks you guys are the best!_


	7. Overdue Conversations

_Authors Note - HEY GUYS! SOO I'm pretty impressed with myself. Two updates in one week? not bad. Sure i skipped studying for my economics test and my Spanish oral but eh this was much more fun and way more worth it :) So I just had some idea's floating around so I thought I'd just get them down all in one chapter before I forgot them all (that happens to me a lot). So i think thats all i have to say. OOOO and we have a BIT of Emma's POV in this, because I wasn't sure how else to tell one scene, but it's a flashback, so there isn't a lot of opinion and stuff just like what happened and observations and whatnot. You'll see :) Anyways enjoy! And ill attempt to get next chapter out just as quick IF you guys all let me know what you think! THANKS! - Mary_**  


* * *

Welcome to Hogwarts everyone, a place filled with attention seekers and popularity contests. A place where your status can define you, "Move it Evans!" and I was right at the bottom. **

**Flickering Lights**

**Chapter Seven: Overdue Conversations**

Have you ever felt that feeling of immense emotion where you've been holding something in for so long that when it finally comes out—no matter when that is—it's been so overanalyzed and inflated that everything just ends up either getting worse, or in an odd way actually making a situation better.

Lately that seems to be happening a lot.

It's almost as though feelings are held in for so long, that the longer they are held in for, the more intense this feeling will grow, no matter what the feeling. Anger heightens, guilt worsens, fear intensifies…love grows. Absense makes the heart grow fonder as they say—but really, it's more like absence makes the heart grow stronger. Absense or the lack of a presence doesn't always make you love them more, but whatever feelings you last had towards them often escalade in quantity.

That happened with Potter. It happened with the rest of the marauders. It happened with Emma and Sarah.

That will either work out in my favour or will work against me.

The way karma's going for me these days, I'm going to guess against.

But who knows?

* * *

"…and then you flick—"

"Swish," I intervened.

Harper nodded, "Yeah, that's what I said, swish. So you swish then jab—"

"Flick."

"You just said it was swish!""

"Kendall," I began with a frusterated sigh, closing my eyes and rubbing at my throbbing temples. "We've been over this. This is basic stuff, it's swish _then_ flick."

Harper glared, "Well _maybe_ if you were a better tutor I would know that!"

It had been two hours. Two _very long _hours. With Harper Kendall. At this point, killing myself wasn't extreme enough—I needed to suffer in agonizing pain; it would be better than this—I seriously wanted to cut off my ears or jab at my eardrums with a quill or something.

Because listening to Harper Kendall talk at all was _torture, _let alone about _Charms. _

"I don't _have _to do this you know. I'd much rather not, and—"

She let out a snort. "Right. Like I _love _spending my time with you. But you're the best in Charms at this whole bloody school so I have no choice!"

Did she just somewhat compliment me? What alternate reality did I wake up in this morning?

The only reason I knew it was still this reality was because Harper _insisted _that we sit in the most hidden part of the library, so no one could see her talking to me.

Thank _Merlin _she's paying me. Quite well too. "Fine," I began, taking a deep breath, my mind on the galleons that would son fill my pockets after this long day. "Let's try again then. Cheering Charms—"

"Fortunatus," Harper interrupted proudly, "Swish, swish, jab."

I smiled with relief. Finally something right. Well, it _was _a third year charm but still, it's progress! "Good," I said, before moving on, "Colour-Changing Charm."

I pulled out of my pocket a small piece of cloth. It was currently white. "Turn it Red."

"Uh…" Harper began. Fifth year charms were _obviously _a little more difficult. How this girl passed her OWL's I have no idea. I clearly recall having to change a rat orange during my OWL exam's last year.

"Well that one's easy to remember," a voice sounded, and I internally groaned. It had been a week since I'd seen him, after avoiding him like the plague. "It's simple," Potter began, pulling up a chair, "Just point your wand at the object, and say 'Mulo Colo' and then whatever colour you want it to turn."

"Potter, what are you doing here?" I asked exasperatedly. Honestly, his precense unnerved me. Ever since last week with Diggory, when things got a little too _friendly _for my liking—especially as neither of us were _drunk _that time— I've been trying my hardest to avoid him.

He, of course, acted perfectly normal for him, "Well, I saw you sitting here with Harper, and I thought she could use my help. I mean, it's quite difficult to deal with you all on your own you know Evans; like torture."

I wanted to wipe that smug smirk right off his face. How? I wasn't sure. I just really wanted too, even if it was with my fists.

Harper however, laughed. "Oh James, that's alright. Evans wasn't being _too _annoying. Rubbish tutor though," she said, and my jaw nearly dropped.

I'll give her bloody rubbish tutor. My arse. I did not spend two bloody hours with her for this bullshit. She was officially on the list of people I wanted to kick right now. The list was quite long by the way, with James Potter at the top followed closely by James Potter once again.

He smiled charmingly at her, "Let me help you then."

Now that I think about it, Potter was horrible at Charms. This could be potentially very interesting.

"Alright. Observe," Potter began, whipping out his wand, and pointing at the cloth, "Mulo Colo Red."

It turned Blue.

"Uhhh…" he said, scratching his head slightly puzzled. It didn't faze him for long though, "It can do that. I was just demonstrating that if you don't say the colour with enough _emphasis_ it can often go wrong. Observe."

He pointed his wand once more at the now blue cloth, "Mulo Colo Red," he said much louder this time.

It turned orange.

Well, slightly closer. I let out a small laugh.

His head immediately snapped towards me, his face contorted in a mixture between frusteration, embarrassment, and anger. "Think your so smart Evans? Bet _you _couldn't do it either!"

I scoffed, "Right, because I can't master a simple fifth year charm. Or was it fourth?"

His eyes narrowed. "Do it then, if you think you're so smart!"

I chuckled. Pointing my wand at the cloth, I wordlessly changed it to red. "You forgot," I said to him, as his face turned a shade very similar to the cloth on the table, "The incantation is _Muto _Colo, not _Mulo _Colo."

He fumed. "You're such an arrogant bitch Evans," Whoa, that was definitely said with more antagonism than usual. "Just because you can do _one _little thing better than everyone else, you think it gives you the right to—"

"Just hang on one second Potter," I cut him off angrily, "I didn't do _anything_. If anything, Ijust _helped_ you. Plus, like you're one to talk! You in transfiguration is _unbearable _because you're so full of yourself you think you can throw it in others' face when they may not quite match your skill level!"

"That is _bullshit _Evans, just like everything _else _you say," he said, and I honestly felt like this argument was transitioning to something completely different from just school subjects. "You're a _liar _and vindictive little _bitch_, and I wouldn't be surprised if—"

"Shut _up_! I don't _care _what you have to say!" My thoughts were getting all jumbled. My anger was mixing in with my confusion, and my past was mixing with my present, and so many issues were being expressed at once I wasn't all together sure _what _either of us was talking about at this point. "If you say one more stupid thing I'm going to kill you. Or myself. It's a toss up."

Potter was about to retaliate when the most unexpected thing of all happened.

"Would both of you just _shut up!" _Harper yelled. "Seriously," she said, lowering her tone, "why don't you two go work out your personal issues in a broomcloset, _then_ come back and help me."

That shut us both up.

I was breathing heavily. I looked over and so was Potter. His face was red with anger, and mine felt warm. I knew that we'd both been holding—whatever _that_ was—in for a long time. I met his eye, and I saw a twinkle of something odd reflected in his Hazel eyes. It was not my James—it wasn't even something I was familiar with. I had no idea what it was but it was puzzling.

It was Harper's comment that really freaked me out however.

Did she _know?_

Now is not the time Lily.

"Right," Potter said quiety, straightening himself out, "right," he said slightly louder, "sorry."

Then he was gone.

I let out a deep breath, and looked back up at Harper, "Okay, right. Back to Charms," I said with a shake of my head. "So colour changing. Muto Colo. Just a simple—"

"_Oh my god_," Harper all of a sudden interrupted, and my first thought was that Potter was back, with an axe or some other deadly instrument, ready to murder me. I glanced around frantically, but when I saw no Potter, I looked at her questioning. What could be worse then Potter with a deadly weapon? "You guys _totally _snogged didn't you?"

Oh. That.

Definitely _much_ worse.

* * *

The library used to be my place of sanctuary. Hogwarts students rarely stepped foot in the library, hence why whenever I had to meet with people for projects and whatnot they often wanted to meet there.

Now it seems to be becoming my personal hell.

Because for the second time that day, there I was, in the library, wanting to slowly torture myself.

"…and then we can investigate the history of the use of the Patronus, and it's effects, and _Lily!"_

"What?" I asked, snapping out of my thoughts.

Emma sighed impatiently. "Look, If you're not going to work on this project seriously, then that's fine, I'd rather not waste my time with _you_. I could do it myself if necessary—"

"That coming from the girl who skipped our last meeting…" I muttered, before continuing louder, "I _am _going to work seriously, I'm just…distracted."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Get Potter off your mind and get to work."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why do you assume it's _him _that's distracting me."

She sighed exasperatedly, a slight bitter tone slipping into her voice, "Becausewith you it's _always _about him."

I shrugged it off, not wanting to get into this with _Emma _of all people. Potter was one of the reason's our friendship ended, so talking about him now was kind of a sore subject. "So like you were saying," I continued where she left off with the project, "We should start by researching the discovery of the spell, and how it's influenced the Magical community. Then—"

"You know," she began, and just by her tone of voice, I knew it had nothing to do with Defense Against the Dark Arts. And after my conversation this morning with Potter and Harper, I was _seriously_not in the mood for any of this shit now. "He always liked you more. It was _always _about you."

I closed my eyes and pinced the bridge of my nose. "Emma…" I said, "Can we not get into this now?"

Seriously. It's been like a year, and she wants to have this conversation _now_? In the middle of my like month of mental breakdowns and whatnot.

"If not now, then when?"

That ticked me off for some reason. "Hmm, I don't know Emma, how about a year ago?"

She snorted, "Yeah right. Last year we were so mad at one another we couldn't even be in the same room—"

"—and we're not too thrilled with each other now. So why bother?" I asked.

"_Because_," She began, getting more wound up, "I still _care _about you, you know. Sure, we're no longer friends, but those sorts of feelings don't diminish, just change in nature, you know?" I knew exactly what she was saying. "And I can clearly see there is something seriously wrong with you. I mean, Lily Evans _not _working on an important project? Something's wrong. I could see that for weeks now. And when something's wrong, it usually relates back to Potter in some way, and I feel like I'm partially responsible when it comes to that area, so—"

"_Emma_," I cut her off her rant. I couldn't believe some of the stuff she had just said—it just added to my confusion _more. _I was so sure that everyone at Hogwarts dispised my guts, but now, this changes things.

Not that I cared.

"_Don't _feel responsible for _anything_. If there's something wrong with me—Potter related or not—it's most likely _my _fault—"

"But it's _not!" _She nearly yelled out, causing us to receive a glare from Madam Pince. Her voice immediately quieted down. "I _knew _you liked him. I _knew _he liked you. But Merlin Lily, I was so _jealous_! It seemed like you _always _got everything you wanted and for once I just wanted something _I _wanted."

Oh dear lord. Are wereally back on this subject?

"Which was James," I stated very simply.

She nodded. "I saw how he was with you, how _caring_—I couldn't _help _but start liking him. I know we agreed to stay away from him, but—"

"It's _okay_ Emma," I said, clearly seeing how worked up she was getting about this. Once again, for the second time, I was having a conversation way overdue—this evoked emotions which weren't exactly desired. "I was the one that went after him even when you two were _dating_…" I said, just realizing how guilty I actually was about it.

Stupid guilt.

She laughed hollowly, "_Please _Lily, I'm not dumb, at least give me a little more credit then that. That party was _not_ the only indicator that you guys clearly were in love," I went to protest but she continued, "and don't deny it because you _were_. Probably still are—you two always were stubborn. But even when I knew that I shouldn't have been with him, I couldn't give him up, because I was selfish, and I suddenly had found a guy who was…_good _to me. Sure he didn't love me, but I figured, maybe if I gave him time…"

My head was spinning. "What? When?" Was all I managed to get out.

Emma smiled a sad smile, and began telling me about it, "It was about two weeks before the party when I first saw it…

"…_you okay Lily?" murmured the quiet silky voice of James Potter._

_Lily shivered, "so tired James," she whispered, her voice barely audible, but I heard her._

"_C'mere," James mumbled. I was hesitant to turn around, afraid to look at the two, but I did. _

_What I saw was so surprising, I nearly needed to sit from the mere strength of it. _

_James sat on the Gryffindor common room couch, by the fire, holding Lily in his arms. He held her with unimaginable warmth and tenderness, and I watched as she wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her head in the crook of his neck. _

_She was so tired—that was obvious—that I wasn't sure I she was doing this because she was delirious or because she was just a traitor of a best friend. _

"_Lily?" James asked softly, rubbing her back with the tips of his fingers and she sighed, embracing the warmth of James into her skin. I felt as though I was watching a interrupting a private moment, and I shouldn't be watching. "Do you want to go to bed?"_

"_No," she replied, and she shivered a little, and I wasn't sure if a lack of warmth or from his touch. "I'm not _sleepy_, just _tired_ James," but her tone said otherwise, growing into a soft lazy voice. _

"_Lily I need to know," After a few moments of silence, "Do you like me Lily?"_

"_Of course I do James," she said, burroughing her nose into his neck even more, "You're a great friend."_

_I was shocked at the sudden question, and the way he asked it so nonchalantly. But her answer clearly did not please him, as he repeated, this time his tone boardering on patience, "Don't play with my Lily, you know what I'm asking."_

_Lily waved her hand as to shake off the question, looking up at him with her big green eyes, and I saw James visibly soften, "Please James," She said, "You know my answer."_

_Her eyes began slowly slipping shut after this, "Okay then," James said, not pressing it further. He cautiously pressed his lips to her hair, and pulled her to her, "Let's get you to bed, love."_

_They looked like such a couple—much more than James and I did. Like they were in love. _

I was speechless. I barely remember that at all. That was the the day our midterms ended, and I'd stayed up the entire week studying, barely getting any sleep.

Emma clearly sensed my lack of memory. "I didn't blame you for this of course. You were barely conscious. I just…guess it was where things began to go wrong, so I thought It would be best to tell you."

I nodded, still unable to say anything. From Emma's descriptions—Merlin even _I _would have thought we were in love.

Thoughts and memories suddenly started flying through my brain. Every small detail—my brain started to analyze it. I needed it to stop. The more I did the more confused I got and the more it added to this stupid mess called my life.

"Emma…"

"I understand if you can never forgive me, and I know things can't go back to the way things were, but—"

"_Forgive you_?" I sputtered out once my brain comprehended what she was saying. After all this, _she _was apologizing to _me? _After everything? Of course we still didn't get into the other whole reason for our fighting, but that was okay…I was still too stuck on the fact she was _apologizing_ to think of that. "Are you _crazy? I _should be asking _you _for forgiveness! I was a _horrible _friend and a total _slag_!"

We were silent for what seemed like forever. Neither of us knew what to say. No real forgivenesses were made, but it was progress.

"So," Emma eventually began slowly, "I saw Sarah the other day…"

I grinned. "…What a slag eh?"

Emma mimicked my smiling expression, "I _know! _Did you _see _her with Jeremy Holtz last week?"

I had to laugh. Just as I was about to continue, I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Lily Evans?" A little first year boy asked. "Professor Dumbledore wants to see you in his office."

Oh shit.

Diggory.

* * *

I'm not in trouble. I will not lose my Prefect position over this. I will not be in trouble. There are no witnesses—except Potter. God damn Potter probably ratted me out.

My walk from the Library to Dumbledore's office was a long one. Emma offered to come with me but honestly, we were still kind of awkward, and I needed time to think about it all.

But all I could really think of was my impending doom.

Can you get expelled for hexing a student?

What If he was being a creep? There has to be some sort of acception to the rule if the hexee was being a creep right?

Oh Merlin I was so screwed.

I mean seriously, if it hadn't been for Potter, It would have been a perfectly harmless hex—easily reversible. So technically if I get in trouble Potter should be blamed too—he was the whole reason for concern. Plus, it's not like I go around hexing people every day—I was just having a _very _bad week. It's not my fault if—

Oomffh.

"_Excuse _me," I said a little too harshly to whatever figure I had just bumped into. As I straightened my robes, I looked up to meet the eyes of James Potter. Of course.

Karma seriously has it out for me.

I guess it's true what they say. Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.

And was it just me, or were things _super _awkward?

By the uncomfortable way he messed up his hair just now, I'd say it's definitely not just me.

"Sorry Evans," he muttered, "Wasn't paying attention. Late for detention."

"Detention again?" My stupid brain was unable to stop my mouth from speaking. Crap, now he's going to know that I was listening to his conversation the other day. His expression was puzzled, but before he could question, "Gotta go," and I spead off towards Dumbledore's office.

"Ms. Evans," Dumbledoor began as I finally reached his office. "Please take a seat."

I nervously sat near his huge desk filled with hundreds of unidentifiable contraptions, my fingers tapping nervously on my crossed leg, my eyes cast down. "So," he began, "I've called you in here today to discuss some rather…upsetting beaviour I've seen at Hogwarts over the last few months."

Gulp.

Do you think they accept witches to reform school?

"We will of course, be inflicting much more harsh punishments, to instill the idea that what they are doing is no joke, and that students could be hurt by certain actions…"

Here it comes.

"…detention, suspensions, expulsions...these are dark times Ms. Evans and if we don't instill these idea's now, who knows what could happen when students enter the real world and the war."

I seriously think he wants me to suffer. My fingers tapped away even faster.

"With that being said, as a prefect, It would be…prudent for you to put forth any names of individuals who may contribute to such rule breaking…"

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"Do I make myself clear Ms. Evans?"

I mumbled something along the lines of an acknowledgement.

His eyebrows crinkled in concern, "Is everything alright Ms. Evans?"

Great. He must have realized that I'm acting like a complete nervous fool and am a raving lunatic. Does that encourage expulsion? Or maybe I can blame my crime on my insanity?

I couldn't hold it in any longer, "Diggory!" I yelled out, before clamping my hands over my mouth.

"Ah yes," he said, walking around and finally taking a seat at his desk, "poor Mr. Diggory. Of course the culprit has been caught and sufficiently punished—he will be serving quite a lot of detention over the next few weeks. These are sort's of situations that we must be alerted too Ms. Evans, and as a potential future head girl, I'm glad you realize this."

I swear my jaw dropped.

Head girl? Culprit caught? Sufficiently punished?

So I'm not expelled?

"Head girl?" Was the only one I managed to say.

Dumbledoor let out a small smile, "Yes, congradulations. That's why I wanted to call you here today. As an official candidate for head girl next year, I wanted you to be aware of how seriously we take these sort's of situations."

Putting aside my great relief and happiness, something else entered my mind.

Then who was the supposed 'culprit'?

That was when it hit me.

"…_Of course the culprit has been caught and sufficiently punished—he will be serving quite a lot of detention over the next few weeks…"_

"…_gotta get to detention."_

"_Detention again Prongs?" _

"_You know it Padfoot..."_

"_Sorry Evans," he muttered, "Wasn't paying attention. Late for detention."_

"_Detention again?"_

"…_detention, suspensions, expulsions..."_

Potter.

Stupid git.

He took all the blame.

* * *

_A/N - SOOO what do you guys think? I was just on a roll and I had some ideas so i thought HEY how amazing would it be if i could update twice in one week? Hope you guys enjoyed it! I love hearing from you!_


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